Well, it’s another Sunday Morning.
He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle that took him in.
Written by Edwin Markham, Poet Laureate of Oregon From 1923 to 1931. Do you think Edwin Markham might have been feeling rejected while writing this?
Have you felt the sting of rejection? If you haven’t, consider yourself very lucky. It’s tough for anyone to deal with these issues when you aren’t one of the cool kids, so you better not try to hang out with them. You don’t dress cool, you talk different, you don’t act like the rest of the crowd, no one talks to me, even at church, the boss never builds you up. The fear of rejection alone can be paralyzing. Remember what we are taught in 1 Peter 2:4 (ESV) where we are told this truth, “As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious to Him.”
What the Bible teaches us about fear of rejection is important in ability to share the word of our Lord and Savior. It is also helpful whenever we are faced with the possibility of being rejected by others in our day to day life.
See, we all want to be accepted by other people, but the possibility of their rejection can and will cause us to shut down in fear. This self-inflicted pain of rejection will sometimes quiet us from speaking or acting in our normal life or even worse, when we are trying to bring others to Christ. We read in Proverbs 29:25 (ESV) this, The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. In John 12:43 (ESV) John wrote that some hid their faith because, “For they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.” The same thing is true today as it was when John wrote this verse. So, what should we do when we are confronted with criticism by others or the fear of being rejected by those around us creeps into our thoughts? I find the best thing I can do is to stand with our LORD.
I read this some where and I really believe it to be true, the cause of fear of rejection comes from the belief that approval equals worth, or on the other hand, disapproval equals worthless.
Since none of us wants to be worthless, we all become super careful to avoid any criticism or rejection. We have convinced ourselves that it will be terrible if someone disapproves of us or our actions. But, there are a couple problems that surface when we have this broken thinking.
The first one is this, we spend too much time and energy trying to please others, and disregard doing the things that are creative and productive in our lives. The second is the fear of rejection freezes us when we should be focused on a successful performance. We think we will never win, because there will always be someone who will disapprove of things we say, do, or even who we are. It is impossible to please everyone, so why even try.
The best cure for this fear should be found in our faith of our LORD and Savior. Paul wrote in Romans 8:1 (ESV), “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” We find this truth in Hebrews 13:6 (ESV), So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Here is a fact, our worth comes from Christ, not from what other people think of us. Sometimes when people criticize or reject us, it’s their problems causing it, not ours. They may be thinking unreasonably or just flat out wrong when they react poorly toward us. It’s their problem, and we don’t need to let their problem become our problem.
Here is a few thoughts, if someone mocks you for your faith in Christ, then their issue is with God, not you, pray for them. If someone yells at you for driving too slow, then this rage issue belongs to them, not you.
Here is another truth, If the other person’s comments are true, don’t let it destroy you. You can simply pinpoint your missteps and take action to correct them. You can learn from your mistakes, you don’t have to be ashamed of them. As humans, we should and will make mistakes from time to time. Mistakes are the things we learn from. If we goof up, it doesn’t mean that we are thoroughly hopeless losers. Truly, it is impossible to be wrong all the time or even most of the time. Another little something I read was this, even in business and war, it is a matter of managing mistakes that determines who wins.
Think of the thousands of things you have done right. Don’t let the fear of rejection cloud or totally rule out all of your good and great successes.
Here are a few facts, other people cannot judge your worth as a human being. They can only judge the legitimacy or value of the specific things you do or say. They do not have, nor will they ever have the authority to judge you as a human being, God has that authority only. In Luke 12:4-9 (ESV) we read this, “I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him! Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” “And I tell you, everyone who acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man also will acknowledge before the angels of God, but the one who denies me before men will be denied before the angels of God.”
See, everyone will judge you differently no matter how well you do or how badly you might behave. There is no need to continue taking a beating from those who don’t like you. You should stop hanging out with those who reject you, and go hang out with those who approve of you.
Fellowship with Christians to keep your faith strong, that is important. The upshot is this is, even if worst comes to worst and you do get rejected by someone, you cannot end up totally alone. Don’t give others the power and right to judge you, we are all just human beings, not Supreme Court justices or God. Don’t magnify other people until they are larger than life. Paul wrote that we should let Christ be our judge,1 Corinthians 4:3-5 (ESV). “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.”
Well, I am pretty sure I could talk a lifetime and never say it as good as Paul did. Here is the truth, we all have worth, don’t let anyone ever tell you any different. We can’t please everyone all the time don’t even try, it will drive you crazy. Above all know this, you are loved, God truly loves each and every one of you and so do I.
