Clarence the Angel in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” wrote a note in his favorite Mark Twain book to George Bailey which read, “Remember George, no man is a failure who has friends.” There is power in relationships.
Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD conducted a meta-analysis study on mortality risk and found that strong social relationships increase the likelihood of survival by 50 percent (PLOS Medicine, 2010). On the flip side, her research revealed that social isolation is as harmful as the risk factors of obesity, sedentary lifestyle, and smoking. Research by Timothy Smith, PhD and Brian Baucom, PhD at the University of Utah discovered that individuals in secure and committed relationships have a lower risk of heart disease. Also, research shows that individuals with a strong social network have a better sense of emotional and psychological wellbeing.
The most important tool a mental health counselor has to help bring change into a client’s life is not how much education thecounselor has, it is not their theoretical orientation, it is not how many years they have been counseling nor is it their intelligence level. The most powerful thing a counselor can do is to help establish a solid therapeutic relationship. It is the quality of the relationship that is the strongest predictor of treatment success.Being genuine, warm, extending unconditional positive regard, and being non-judgmental are some of the ways a counselor can contribute to building a relationship whereby the client feels safe and valued.
Here are a few suggestions to help enhance and expand our relationships. We can increase our contacts with the friends and family we already have. We can join a group like a church,service club, yoga class, book club, or some other group. We can set a goal of establishing a new friendship over the next year.Consider establishing relationships with people who are positiveand supportive.
The most important relationship we can develop is a positive one with ourselves. This begins by being able to love ourselves in spite of what our inner critic may be trying to tell us. Ourinner critic tries to convince us that we will never be good enough. When we do make mistakes be self-compassionate.When we can recognize our inner critic and be self-compassionate, we tend to be that way toward other people.Paradoxically, the best way to increase and deepen our social network begins by becoming a friend to ourselves. Wow- what a deal!
