One of the most popular chants used by children during my childhood was “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I know I used it often whenever I thought someone said something hurtful to me. I know I heard it said to me on numerous occasions whenever I voiced a negative judgment to another child. Sometimes, especially from girls, the phrase would be turned into a song and the phrase was sung over and over in retaliation. If you said something critical to a girl who happened to be with a group of girls, you needed to beware of double trouble. The girls would join together like a church choir and in unison sing it. I have seen a many young boy broken down into tears in response to the incessant singing of that phrase. It worked as an attempt not only to lessen the painof ill spoken words but also to reverse the “curse” so to speak. I think it was used like some magical spell as a way to remove the power of the hurtful interchange like spitting into one’s hand, wringing both hands together and rubbing it on some injuredplace on your body believing the pain would be lessened by the power of the spit rub or like the way your mother may have kissed a “boo boo” to make it much better.
In fact, words can be injurious. What people say to us, especially those who are close to us do hurt, at times they hurt deeply. The words that hurt deepest are the words we say to ourselves. Our self-talk has far more power than how others talk to us. Research is clear about the impact of self-talk. Telomeres are caps on our chromosomes, DNA caps, and work much like the caps on shoestrings with the purpose to prevent unraveling. The older we become the shorter our telomeres become which weakens our immune system and makes us more susceptible to chronic illnesses and premature death. Negative thinking has been shown to correlate with the shortening of telomeres. Examples of negative thinking include:
Yet on the other hand what we say to ourselves can be healing. Healthy self-talk can have a positive impact upon our health and wellness. It can enhance our satisfaction with life, reduce depression and anxiety, lead to less perfectionism, increase our social connectedness and lead to lower levels of stress. Talking to ourselves from a self-compassionate perspective is a great place to start improving the way we self-talk. Self-compassion means you are kind, accepting and understanding despite our personal failings. Recognize and allow ourselves to feel the negative emotions while understanding and accepting that like everyone else we are not perfect. Accept and embrace our humanness. Feel the emotion but not be overcome by it-experience it and remain objective. Witness and observe the critical thoughts rather than buying into them as to who you are.
Ultimately what we say to ourselves is all that matters. Speakwith love and compassion. You are truly a gift from God.
