I was talking with my mentor, who is 78 years of age, yesterday and he asked me a question that stunned me and left me speechless. He asked me if I loved my wife the way that Christ loves the church and was willing to sacrifice His life for her. I have read that scripture many times in Sunday School but had never had someone point it at myself. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
I was having difficulty in the moment trying to compare myself to that kind of sacrificial love that Christ has. It is too easy to tell my wife, I love her, I do that all the time. But I am completely convinced that this verse goes way beyond that simple statement that we all make. I had to study the commentaries on it.
What is sacrificial love in a marriage? It is about giving to her and not what I can get from her. Men, including myself, can get so focused on “what has she done for my needs lately” that we completely and all together miss this verse’s true meaning. Christ never had that thought. 33 years and never sinned. This kind of love is not just an emotion we feel. It is a lifelong commitment of sacrifice and action for your wife. Loving our wives needs to be shown and not just words. Hugs, kisses, affection, laughter and action. Men when I say action, I mean do something that puts her above your wants and desires. Pick up around the house, take the trash out, vacuum the floors, fold some laundry, let her sleep in while you empty the dishwasher or clean up the kitchen. We are not above these acts of sacrifice and love. Don’t tell her all the things you are going to start doing to help her in 2026. Just show her by doing them. Under promise and over deliver!
An example: You want to be in the deer stand at 5:30 am on Saturday. Get up 30 minutes earlier than you would have. Pick up the kid’s toys and put them away quietly. Clean the kitchen and put away any clean dishes. Leave a note on the counter telling your wife how much you love her, and you will be home by, a certain time. You will get a text thanking you.
Your wife’s wellbeing must be put way before your wants. Way before! Don’t ever put conditions on your love for your wife. “I did this and this and this and now what are you going to do for me today? Be a man of compassion and love your wife in a respectful manner and be considerate of the needs she has. She sacrifices a whole lot more than we do. Yesterday Michelle told me she did 12 loads of laundry by herself. Where was I? I was home most of the day. That stung. She was not mad, but I scored a zero yesterday in her mind on this verse. Just being home with her helps a lot but getting out of the recliner and moving speaks volumes to your wife. I failed miserably. We were both very tired from driving 1800 miles from California back home, but she went above and beyond to work on laundry while I did nothing. She was more tired than I was, but she sacrificed rest, for us.
We have got to learn to give our wives 100% of our attention when she is talking to us. Look in her eyes when she speaks and absorb her words, good or bad. Do not interrupt her while she expresses her needs to you. They are going to be the opposite of your own needs. Have you ever put fishing or hunting before her needs? OUCH! You could have left that one out Jim. Stop the criticism and be an encouraging husband and lift your wife up. Our wives need affirmation from us, big time! Be quick to forgive and be understanding that meekness is not a sign of weakness.
Michelle just retired from driving the school bus so she could volunteer at our church as the church secretary. How many men would do that? We need to lead our family in humility, showing your children how a husband is to love their wife. Serve your wife every chance you get. Take responsibility when you are wrong or make mistakes. Prioritize your wife’s needs above your own when you make a decision. This is a big one, when she tells you her problems, just listen, and stop telling her how to fix it!!!!! Or worse yet trying to fix her problems yourself. That never goes well. Pray for your wife and go to church with her. Read the bible together and study it together. I failed at this last one.
In conclusion this is a lifelong journey of sacrificial love, growth and devotion to the woman God blessed you with. Be the spiritual leader of your family and demonstrate selflessness and a Christlike attitude always. Root your marriage deeply in the same love for your wife that Christ shows for His bride, the church. This love is sacrificial, not easy, inconvenient at times and should always cost us something, including our very life, if needed. I hope I have given you some spiritual food for thought today, now act upon that food men.
Jim Everett
